Having the option (and a confession)

I could easily get used to having weekends off. It's only been a few weeks, but I am already finding myself loath to make plans unless absolutely necessary. Today I slept in, then ate breakfast and made lunch to take with me. It wasn't that much work, but I took a lot of food with me-- I was worried about being out of the house and not having something safe with me in case I got hungry. It was needless, as I wasn't hungry. But still, I felt better having the option and not needing it than if I'd needed the food and not had it. This afternoon was the gym, then watching my sister and cousins make dinner. That last part was probably the highlight of my day. I've felt pretty good today; not deprived, and not craving anything in particular. I think the preparation is key to that, and as such Monday and Thursday will be my hardest days. I'll have to leave the house at 7:30 AM with all of my food for the day, because I don't come home until 10:00 PM. Keep your fingers crossed, please!

It's helpful to write down what I'm eating-- even more accountability, I think. Feel free to skip these updates, if they bore you. (But please keep reading; I need to know you're out there!)

Breakfast: whole wheat english muffin with vegan margarine and cherry preserves; banana; soy latte (with one pump mocha and three pumps dark cherry syrup)
Lunch: huge green salad topped with black beans, corn, cucumber and peach/mango salsa; handful Lays Waves potato chips; diet soda
Snack: soy yogurt; fruit leather strip; two clementines
Dinner: vegetarian fried rice; sauteed mushrooms; three vegetarian shu mai; sliced red and yellow bell peppers; kiwi; watermelon; Fat Tire and Abbey Ale
Snack: Healthy Pop Kettle Popcorn; strawberries; herbal tea

Confession: I sort of unintentionally cheated at dinner tonight. I had already put the shu mai in the microwave before realizing that there are egg whites in them. They were listed about 12th on the ingredient list, so I imagine there was only a small amount of egg whites in the three pieces that I ate-- but I felt it would be wasteful not to eat any of them.

I donated 74 pounds of food to the Foodbank this afternoon. In a way, that was validating in itself; after seeing how much food that was, I feel great about the 50 pounds of food that will be donated to them as I lose the weight. I also decided to go back and volunteer next weekend. It'll be mostly warehouse work, but I think it will help motivate me to be involved in the work they do.

On an opposing note, I weighed myself this morning. The number on the scale was ENORMOUSLY disappointing. While I am still vain enough that I'm not willing to post that number publicly, let's just say that 50 pounds is a low estimate for the weight I have to lose. :(

But, I will get there. Slow and steady wins the race, right?

More good news: I walked 11.11 miles this week. Tomorrow, back to yoga.

Unofficial first day

I just spent $226 at the grocery store-- but am now well-stocked on vegan condiments, nutritional yeast, various vitamins, plenty of whole grains and assorted snacks to take to school/work.

Today was an unofficial first day of sorts-- eating today was pretty great, especially since I hadn't planned on being intentionally vegan when I left the house this morning.

Breakfast: oatmeal with applesauce; coffee with almond milk and stevia; lemon-flavored yogurt; banana
Lunch: Kashi's Black Bean Mango meal; green salad with raspberry vinaigrette; sliced red and yellow peppers; grapefruit
Dinner: curried cauliflower and chickpeas; roasted parsnips, carrots, green beans and mushrooms; sauteed zucchini and mushrooms; Shiraz
Snack: Whole Fruit popsicle; blackberries; herbal tea

I feel as though I should eat something more; it seems unlikely that's actually enough calories for my body, but I'm not hungry. I'm sort of waiting for the cravings to hit-- I bought a lot more processed food today than I usually do, but I'm trying to take it easy on myself this first week or so. I guess we'll see.

Here we go, again.

I've made sweeping, huge changes in my life over the past few years-- I live 2,500 miles away from home, am now immersed in business school, and only work 40 hours per week for the first time in a VERY long while. Hopefully, I'm growing; certainly I am changing. But though I strongly believe growth comes firstly from acknowledging where we come from-- I have been convincing myself all day long to not go back and delete all of the 2007 postings on this blog.

So, intentionally quashing the urge-- what brings me back here? I need a place to be accountable; hopefully one or two of you will be out there, depending on me to live up to my goals. This morning, I committed to losing 50 pounds in the Pound for Pound Challenge. That's a big number, friends. I cannot remember the last time I intentionally lifted 50 pounds-- but that (and arguably more!) is the extra weight my body slogs around every day through my incredibly busy life. My feet (and joints, bones, etc) were not designed for that kind of abuse. And, admittedly, I LOVE the concept of the Challenge. I am counting on the RoadRunner Food Bank and the hungry folks they feed to provide my motivation through some of the difficult times.

I am not a dieter. Oh, I have tried to be-- many times, unfortunately. But I have learned the hard way: 1) I love food, 2) I do not deprive myself well-- I am learning to say no to myself, but I have a long way to go before I'm good at this task and 3) the majority of our "diets" are not healthy at all. Personally, I function much better when I'm able to come from a place of abundance-- pushing myself out of my comfort zone and exploring new flavors, tastes, and whole new foods. I love the playful, fun experience that comes from intentionally spending time in the kitchen. But like most people, I get busy, I have lazy days-- and I fall back on the old staples of my American diet: eggs, cheese, ice cream (my Achilles' heel!). Easy foods, yes; and dreadfully addicting. I love them dearly, and could never self-deny these things for eternity. At least I don't think I could.

Recently, though, I have been reading a lot about the health benefits (and weight loss!) of the vegan diet. I can't make the shift forever...yet. I can commit to a one-month challenge, though. So yes, I am off the dairy (eggs, ice cream, yogurt, cheese) for one full month, starting tomorrow. From what others say, the first week is likely to be awful. Please send good thoughts-- I am not often one to back down from a challenge, but it might be hairy for a while. Stay in touch, if you're out there-- I will need the support, I think.

Unintentionally, the last dairy I ate was a bland lemony yogurt with this morning's breakfast. Now, it feels like a wasted opportunity! Tonight (after the gym): grocery shopping and cleaning out the temptations in my kitchen. :)